Wednesday morning I woke up groggy and irritable from a restless night of dreaming. As I got ready for work I was talking to God about my issue - trying to barter, I guess. The conversation went a little like this:
Me: "God, if the gifts are from You and we are supposed to use them to further Your Kingdom, why do they have to take such a toll on us. I wish I could wake up from a night of dreaming and be completely rested and ready for the day."
(Not that I don't believe that this isn't possible, I just don't experience it very often.)
As I put on my coat and grabbed my purse, my mind traveled off into another thought - Mary. I kept thinking of the sacrifices that she had to make in order to operate in the gifts that God had given her; and the conversation started up again.
Me: "What would I have done if I were Mary? When I was 14 years old I could barely even remember to feed the dog, let alone be engaged and pregnant with the Messiah. Would I have said "Sure, God! Put your baby in me!" Maybe I would have said yes if You could give me a painless childbirth, I think that's the least that Mary could have asked for."
As I walked outside and locked my door God stopped me: "It doesn't work like that. Every life changing decision, every earth moving ministry is birthed from the screams of a swollen, pregnant mother. If Mary didn't feel her hips shift open, if she didn't feel her body tearing apart she wouldn't have realized how precious was the gift that she bore."
Not only did Mary have to feel every bit of the pregnancy and labor, but 14 year old, nine months pregnant Mary had to travel from her home in Nazareth to Bethlehem to be counted in the census. I'm sure that at this point Mary, like most other pregnant women felt like she was going to be pregnant for the rest of her life, but God didn't intend for her to be pregnant forever.
When Mary became pregnant, the baby had to form, grow - Mary had to carry the baby in her womb long enough for Him to mature. Then - when her body could no longer contain the baby, God moved her to a completely different city. God allowed Mary to be pregnant in Nazareth, but He could not allow her to give birth there.
The prophecy of Jesus' birth in Micah 5:2-4 says: But you, Bethlehem, David's Country, the runt of the litter - from you will come the leader who will shepherd-rule Israel. He'll be no upstart, no pretender. His family tree is ancient and distinguished. Meanwhile, Israel will be in foster homes until the birth pangs are over and the child is born, and the scattered brothers come back home to the family of Israel. He will stand tall in his shepherd-rule by God's strength, centered in the majesty of God-Revealed. And the people will have a good and safe home, for the whole world will hold him in respect - peacemaker of the world!
If I were Mary, I would have bartered with God for a pain-free labor, but when I think about it, Mary may have had the most painful labor in all of history. Her fiance questioned her loyalty, she was most likely scorned for being an unwed mother, she was taken from her home, made to embark on an exhausting journey and forced to give birth in a stable. But no matter how hard or messy the journey got, God was ALWAYS with her - literally.
Sometimes the gifts we've been given look a lot less like gifts and a lot more like a series of unfortunate events, but we shouldn't look at these gifts as "favors" that we're doing for God. They are not favors, they are gifts - gifts that God has trusted us to carry and nurture. Even better than God entrusting us with His best is perhaps the knowledge that He entrusted us because He knew that we would be more than capable to see them through.
So Mary, don't be discouraged by the whispers, don't be offended by those who doubt you, don't despise the days of your swollen pregnancy, don't be afraid of the long journey, don't be ashamed to give birth in a barn, know that God is always with you and when the sun comes up you'll be holding The Promise in your arms.
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